You may as well read my mood forecast when you’re looking up the weather report. It’s been warm here, and the bulbs are coming up. The buds on the winter honeysuckle and the forsythia are getting fat, but I still feel quite dormant myself. At this time of year you can expect any kind of weather in Oklahoma, 8° or 80° are both completely possible and sometimes happen in a span of only a few days. It’s hard to adjust to sundresses and then switch back to the heavy wool I’m used to wearing in winter.
Right now, I am often consumed with stuff concerning my dad, who is dealing with some legal issues and also confronting a 40 year addiction to alcohol as well as recently losing his oldest sister. The combination is hard and has occupied the last 15 months of my life pretty fully. I can see that the change from being the child to being the adult and caretaker is a completely normal thing, but it has taken a lot of getting used to. And, unlike a parent, I can’t do any correcting or sending anyone to their room. Being 2000 miles away doesn’t help either. But, that is not what I’m here to talk about. What I am here to talk about is that sometimes exhaustion can dull the spark of new ideas, and having a dull day of weather is an extra layer of gray that blankets me. So, on sunny days, I’ve been sitting out in the yard, picking up the never ending pecans from our tree and noticing every budding branch around me. I saw a butterfly the other day and wondered where he was going. I said to a friend today that I wasn’t quite ready for spring to be here, because I still felt quite dormant myself. And I am still in the underground phase, even though I know ideas will return. For now I am not pushing myself to make new paintings, or have new ideas. What I’m finding comforting right now is to just sit with my box of beautiful beads and stones and make earrings. I’m particularly drawn to pearls currently, with their depth and mystery and their connection to the sea. There is something about them that brings the word ‘fathom’ to mind, another sea word.
I’m also enjoying hammering silver. The pieces cast such a winter light that is meeting me right where I am. I am really appreciating that I don’t always have to give emotions over in my artwork. Sometimes producing something beautiful is satisfying and comforting, and in a way also can be healing, even without needing to drain myself emotionally into some concept.
Sometimes just making a little something is good enough. Or reading a little something, or listening to a song. Or, maybe just sitting in the yard and taking in what’s happening around you. Do what you can and trust there will be more later. I’m feeling like the noticing is the important job right now.
I’ve been posting earrings in my shop as I make them, so if you’d like some, feel free to head over there. And if you need them by Valentine’s Day, do order them ASAP and I will drop them in the mail. Thank you for being here. I’m glad to know you’re all out there.
Yours occasionally,
Roshni
"I still feel quite dormant myself" , this is often how I feel after a long hard Winter and Spring is coming. This year I feel like those confused bulbs that just have to break through because of the warmth, snow and possible cold be damned. Things feel possible when thee are stretches of blue sky. I love your earrings.
Thank you for the this intimate snippet Roshni. So so heartfelt and touching. I live in SoCal and we're going through our liminal season of rain. As a native, I'm amazed at how just water seems to paralyze so many Californians, including myself. I'm really trying to take advantage of the forced dormancy by actually doing something creative. BTW, I love your earrings, do you sell them?